Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
