Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
