U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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