It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
