Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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