did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
