Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
