I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
