I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
