its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
