so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
