the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Found your dick twin last night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
