Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
