We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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