Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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