So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
