Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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