we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
