it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
