Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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