I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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