listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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