And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Randomize
