My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
