Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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