He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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