just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
