i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
