A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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