So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
