i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
