Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
