New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
