By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
