he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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