I don't think brook has ever known best
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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