BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
