You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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