Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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