Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
