WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
handjob tips. give me some.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
