Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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