11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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