found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
