omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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