i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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