he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
