Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
