Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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