Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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