Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
