she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
